Firehouse memories...

It is now official. Paul is jobless and we are praying earnestly that we would be homeless in the near future as well. A little clarification may be needed here for some. Circumstances have worked out where I have been able to resign from my full-time job at the fire department so that we could finish raising our support and preparing to go to the field. We are still praying that God would provide a buyer or wisdom with regards to our house in Fairburn. Truly, the time is bitter-sweet for the both of us. Our whole marriage I have worked at the fire house and been away from home one out of every three days and nights. Sitting here typing this causes a flood of memories.
The training Lieutenant screaming at us for the tenth time to pull the hose of the truck and that if we didn’t get it right we’d have to do it again. Of course, you never could quite get it right. The weight of your gear and the exhaustion make it seem impossible and we know that when he is done with the drills that we would have to run three miles before we could go home.
The first time I drove a fire truck to a house fire we were supposed to be going out of the city for training. As we were driving the reserve truck we heard the radio traffic dispatch a fully involved dwelling. My Sergeant looked and me and asked, “Well, what are you waiting for?” I was like a kid riding his first skateboard. The lights lit up, the mechanical siren screamed and my heart pounded as I pulled the old cord on the ceiling to make the horn bellow like an enraged elephant.
My first fire, the first baby delivery, the first shooting, the first crazy person (patient that is), the endless pranks in the station and the faces of men and women I have spent a third of my life with roll across my memory.
Then there are the not so pleasant memories. An unresponsive family member in a home infested with roaches and filth lies in the small back bedroom. On the way out it is difficult to look the children in the eyes as you push their loved one out on a stretcher.
Six grown men huddle together on the floor working feverishly to figure out why this baby is limp and unresponsive. He has been striped to his diaper, electrodes attached all over, needles pierce his skin and last minute vitals are taken as the pounding of helicopter blades is heard outside to take him away.
What do you say to the parent of the 14 year old who was killed because his head went through the windshield? What do you say to the teenage mother after you have just delivered her still born 16 week old infant? What do you say to the wife who woke up next to her dead husband or the young boy whose eyes are swollen shut because of a gang initiation with a baseball bat?
A grown man sits on his truck crying because he loves his wife and he doesn’t know if he can handle the fighting or mistrust anymore. A rookie fireman sits in the day room and laughs nervously with his brothers as their usual coping mechanism of humor is used in regards to the first death that he has seen in a car accident. In the moments alone in his bunkroom the questions arise and the callousness of experience starts to build around his heart and mind.
God is in the business of redeeming His elect in a fallen, dying world. You can only mask the misery and pain that the evil of our nature has caused this creation so much before you must find an answer. I would not trade the time, relationship or experiences that God has allowed me this last period of my life. He has shown me His arm in the midst of some men and women that I have come to love for almost ten years. I don’t doubt what he has called me and Emily too and am thoroughly excited now that we are walking down that path. But, it breaks my heart to walk away knowing that some of these have not found or turned to the answer to such horrible suffering. Only in understanding and accepting the sacrifice of Christ can we taste of the hope that God has for His people. I hope that I never quit praying that those who are His within this group would be called out and that those who profess Christ will grow in truth and stand in the gap. I long for the day we stand in eternity and get to see how He worked in the lives of these firefighters to bring Himself glory from the ashes.

Second Embryo Transfer Results...

Many of you might have thought that no news was good news, but in this case it has been quite the opposite. Paul and I found out on Wednesday that the second embryo transfer was not successful in getting me pregnant. Thank you for your continued prayers. We feel compelled to tell you that we are more confident than ever that our God is a good God. Most of you have been on this journey with us for the past five years of infertility. I have to point out that many of you have grown with us spiritually. You have asked hard questions of God. You have cried and begged along side us. You have been quiet...some angry. You have been challenged and encouraged. You have had opportunities along side us to share Christ with strangers, with friends, and most memorably with close family who do not know our Savior and Lord. What more can we ask for? God has not only molded us as individual clay pots, but I say, if He has grown us in this as a body we must all have some sort of similar marking for this event. Let us be encouraged in our growing together in unity, in our allegiance to Him. I can not help but believe that there are going to be harder things ahead, but I am comforted knowing that He has not asked us to do it alone.

What more can we ask for? Well, Paul and I are still asking that He will bless us with children. He has said no for now. We have planned to keep praying for our little ones and try adoption again after we finish language school in Sarajevo. We are now more focused on our pursuit of getting to Bosnia. We are at 60% of our monthly support. We still have 40% to raise and money needed for outgoing expenses. I hope to get out a newsletter soon to give you a better idea of our mission plans. We are thankful for the beautiful ways that God works to guide our desires for His glory.

Please continue to pray that His glory will be known...

First Embryo Transfer Results...

Dear Friends and Family,

As usual, our update comes to you with long anticipation for most people. If you have heard the outcome of our latest attempt at adoption, it is probably by word-of-mouth. There are even fewer who have heard our latest plans. For all of this, we apologize. I would like to give an account of the events following the embryo implantation and our plans for the future. We would love to remind all of you about the truth of the reality.

Proverbs 16:9 - "A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps."

I cheated…well sort of…
On the 31st of March I took a home pregnancy test. It was positive. This was only a week after the embryo transfer, and I was expecting to get results from the official blood work after the 10th day. Of course, we were extremely excited!




A bit anxious and afraid…
I took the official blood work test on the 3rd of April. It too came back positive but only weakly positive. There were only four possible conclusions to draw, and one was ruled out because of the test I took on the 31st. The options were: 1. Late but normal implantation of the embryo(s), 2. Ectopic pregnancy, 3. Lab error, 4. Discontinued pregnancy. Number one was ruled out, and we were sure that number three was possible but not probable.


We spent the weekend in tears and hopeful prayer to have the sad news confirmed on Monday, the 6th. My pregnancy hormones were almost completely gone from my body which meant that I soon would miscarry.


The balance of truth and emotions…
Paul and I were both grateful for the subtle hint on Friday that prepared us for the news on that Monday. We knew that people were praying for us. Nevertheless, we had a hard decision before us. Do we try again? The National Embryo Donation Center only does transfers every other month. That meant that if we wanted to try again it would be May or July at the soonest. We want you all to know that the decision was not easy; however, with much prayer and wise council we have decided to try one more time.


What next?
Well, we are going to try one more time with embryo adoption. We have been accepted into the May transfer group and our transfer date is the 12th of May. Yes, two weeks away. This means that we will take an official pregnancy test on the 22nd of May. If you are doing the math, we will get results in a little less than a month.


This time, we have a plan no matter the outcome. Last time we just assumed that it would work. Our desire is for children and for the mission field. If we get pregnant we are going to go to Bosnia. If we do not get pregnant we are going to go to Bosnia. The plan is the same but the logistics will be extremely different depending on the outcome of the procedure. If we do not get pregnant, then we will pursue adoption once we have finished language school in Sarajevo. And, even then we realize that this will all only occur if the Lord wills.

Our hearts…
One of the things we struggle with the most is our desire to be more focused on our pursuit of the mission field. The difficulty of these circumstances makes us long for an eternity with our Savior. Although we long even more to be forever separated from the sorrows and suffering of this groaning world, away from the ever present influence of sin, that is not where God has us. The reality is even more overwhelming when we know that the hope of eternity is not present in the hearts of those who do not know Jesus Christ. We long to be in Bosnia sharing this hope.
Bosnia is not an escape from our desire for a “quiver full” of children. However, it is something like a salve for our broken hearts. It’s a good reminder that even if God had already made us parents, our life would still not be complete unless we were following His direction in our plans for life. We are extremely excited to be able to serve God here and there.

Thank you all for the continued words of encouragement and prayers lifted up to our heavenly Father on our behalf. We love you all dearly.


Emily and Paul Bell

Dear Friends and Family,
As usual, our update comes to you with long anticipation for most people. If you have heard the outcome of our latest attempt at adoption, it is probably by word-of-mouth. There are even fewer who have heard our latest plans. For all of this, we apologize. I would like to give an account of the events following the embryo implantation and our plans for the future. We would love to remind all of you about the truth of the reality.

Proverbs 16:9 - "A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps."

I cheated…well sort of…
On the 31st of March I took a home pregnancy test. It was positive. This was only a week after the embryo transfer, and I was expecting to get results from the official blood work after the 10th day. Of course, we were extremely excited!

A bit anxious and afraid…
I took the official blood work test on the 3rd of April. It too came back positive but only weakly positive. There were only four possible conclusions to draw, and one was ruled out because of the test I took on the 31st. The options were: 1. Late but normal implantation of the embryo(s), 2. Ectopic pregnancy, 3. Lab error, 4. Discontinued pregnancy. Number one was ruled out, and we were sure that number three was possible but not probable.

We spent the weekend in tears and hopeful prayer to have the sad news confirmed on Monday, the 6th. My pregnancy hormones were almost completely gone from my body which meant that I soon would miscarry.

The balance of truth and emotions…
Paul and I were both grateful for the subtle hint on Friday that prepared us for the news on that Monday. We knew that people were praying for us. Nevertheless, we had a hard decision before us. Do we try again? The National Embryo Donation Center only does transfers every other month. That meant that if we wanted to try again it would be May or July at the soonest. We want you all to know that the decision was not easy; however, with much prayer and wise council we have decided to try one more time.

What next?
Well, we are going to try one more time with embryo adoption. We have been accepted into the May transfer group and our transfer date is the 12th of May. Yes, two weeks away. This means that we will take an official pregnancy test on the 22nd of May. If you are doing the math, we will get results in a little less than a month.

This time, we have a plan no matter the outcome. Last time we just assumed that it would work. Our desire is for children and for the mission field. If we get pregnant we are going to go to Bosnia. If we do not get pregnant we are going to go to Bosnia. The plan is the same but the logistics will be extremely different depending on the outcome of the procedure. If we do not get pregnant, then we will pursue adoption once we have finished language school in Sarajevo. And, even then we realize that this will all only occur if the Lord wills.

Our hearts…
One of the things we struggle with the most is our desire to be more focused on our pursuit of the mission field. The difficulty of these circumstances makes us long for an eternity with our Savior. Although we long even more to be forever separated from the sorrows and suffering of this groaning world, away from the ever present influence of sin, that is not where God has us. The reality is even more overwhelming when we know that the hope of eternity is not present in the hearts of those who do not know Jesus Christ. We long to be in Bosnia sharing this hope.

Bosnia is not an escape from our desire for a “quiver full” of children. However, it is something like a salve for our broken hearts. It’s a good reminder that even if God had already made us parents, our life would still not be complete unless we were following His direction in our plans for life. We are extremely excited to be able to serve God here and there.

Thank you all for the continued words of encouragement and prayers lifted up to our heavenly Father on our behalf. We love you all dearly.

Emily and Paul Bell

Questions?

How did the embryo transfer go?

It went extremely well. We went up to TN the night before and stayed in a nice hotel (thanks to a generous brother in Christ). It was nice to have some time alone with no house choirs staring me in the face. The doctor said after the procedure that it was "good" and that now we just needed to "pray and wait."

How do you feel?

I feel fine...actually really normal. I too was hoping for an early sign from my body, but it's not normal for women to feel like they are pregnant at 3 weeks.

How far along will you be?

From the way us Americans count pregnancy, I was around 3 weeks when they implanted the embryos. I know that this causes more questions, but lets just say that when your wife is 12 weeks pregnant she conceived 10 weeks prior.

When will we know for sure?

We have a pregnancy test on the 3rd and then the 6th of April. The 3rd will tell me if I am pregnant and the 6th will tell us if the baby(ies) are growing. So, we will not let you know till the 6th or after. (haha)

BABIES!?

Yes, possibly babIES. When the embryologist thaws the cryco-preserved embryos they are in a straw. This straw can have one to ? babies. They thawed a straw with four embryos. One of the embryos did not live through the thawing process. So....they brought us a picture with 3 little ones for us to see before they placed them in my womb. Yes! All three. Anybody feeling up to changing diapers? If you are wondering how many we would like to make it...no need to ask. All three of these little ones began life by God's precious mercy, and we pray that they will ALL grab hold and grow (as scary as three sounds!).

When will we know how many (in the case that you are pregnant)?

We will not have an ultrasound till two weeks after the pregnancy test....I think?

How did the interview go with the Tennessean (Nashville's Big Newspaper)?

We felt really comfortable sharing information with the news crew. They actually filmed a lot of the process. They would like to meet the deadline for next Sunday, April 5th. The article and video footage will be available online at tennessean.com. Keep looking for it if it is not there next Sunday. They were a little iffy about meeting the deadline.

Two updates!

Thank all of you who continue to pray with us concerning our adoption. I had an appointment with morning that seemed to go really well. I will be getting a call this afternoon to let me know if we are still on for Tuesday. In this case, no news is good news. I will not be updating you guys until after Tuesday.

On the same road of life, just a different passenger in life's vehicle, we have been given the "go ahead" from CrossWorld to start our support developement in our journey to Bosnia. Yay! We thank you for your encouragement in every part of our life.

Sorry it's so short....
Em

It has been brought to my attention....

.....That many of you are desiring to be updated on our adoption process. I am happy to say that all seems to be going as planned. I am thankful that we do not have to think otherwise. All that is left before the implantation on the 24th (a week away!) is my appointment on the 19th (Thursday). This appointment confirms that all my medications are working properly and that I can start with the final addition to the medication regiment....more SHOTS! I am not happy about the pain...who is? I am extremely thankful though for the amount of knowledge that God has revealed to our doctors concerning the way He designed our bodies to work. My appointment on the 24th will be in Knoxville, TN. The procedure is scheduled for 130pm. I will stay in the office on the recovery side for four hours at the most. I'm sure the next question is, "when we will know if it worked?." The answer is around the tenth of April...I think?! In the mean time, we find comfort in knowing that our God is not only the Creator, but He is also the Great Physician who is Good all the time.

Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your encouraging notes.

Emily